Community Voice

Six Tenets of Healthy Families

By David Olsen, Ph.D, Executive Director
Samaritan Counseling Center of the Capital Region

The Schenectady Foundation recently selected Strengthening Families as the primary focus of its grant program. We asked David Olsen, a psychologist and a member of the Strengthening Families Advisory Team, to provide us with some thoughts about what makes families strong.

Since its founding in 1985, counselors at Samaritan Counseling Center have provided more than 200,000 hours of clinical service at multiple locations throughout the Capital Region. In that time, we have grappled with the consequences of family dysfunction, and developed an understanding of what constitutes family health. Project Recovery has worked carefully with the impact of sexual trauma on families, while the focus of Project PASS – which has received support from The Schenectady Foundation -- has been to encourage academic success through healthy parenting. The Couples Clinic helps to build healthy families on a foundation of strong relationships. Over 23 years, drawing both on research and clinical observations, we have identified six characteristics of families that are healthy and thriving:

Healthy families have developmentally appropriate boundaries.
Boundaries provide organization within systems: who is in charge, what are the rules, and what are each person’s responsibilities. Children are allowed to be children, instead of being expected to take responsibility for their parents, which often happens in dysfunctional families. Boundaries are neither too rigid nor too permeable, but rather respond to the changing developmental needs of the family.

Healthy families have effective communication.
Parents and children can communicate a wide range of feelings and emotions, and know they will be heard. Communication is direct and family members use "I"-statements (versus blaming or speaking for others).

Healthy families respect and encourage autonomy.
Effective parents develop autonomy by nurturing individual differences. Uniqueness is encouraged, and this respect prepares children to enter adulthood successfully.

Healthy families start with healthy couples.
Parents understand the importance of cultivating and nurturing their own relationship. They reserve and protect "couple"- time, ensuring that a child does not become a parent’s marriage counselor or confidant.

Healthy families recognize the importance of history.
Parents know that they are the recipient of generations of parenting messages, styles of communication, and ways of handling family conflict and intimacy. They recognize the need to acknowledge and work through these messages so as to avoid repeating old mistakes.

Finally, healthy families are united by a common faith.
That is, they are committed to something greater than themselves, something that both transcends the individual family unit and provides meaning.

Now is a good time to ask yourself how healthy your family is. Look for positive steps you can take to shape the future of your own family.

David Olsen, Ph.D. is the author of several books on families and therapy, including his most recent: The Spiritual Work of Marriage. For more information about any of Samaritan’s Programs or Services visit their website: www.samaritancounselingcenter.org